Hands Off My Uterus
Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA recently my loves! I’ve been so busy content planning that actual content creation has kinda fallen by the wayside! I’m all over it though and ready to write to my heart’s content about all the topics I’ve been researching.
It makes sense that the topic to bring me back to writing is a personal one. I was unsure as to whether I would ever write about something so close to home on this blog – yet here I am. Before I begin, I want to state very plainly that the thoughts and feelings I’m about to talk about are mine, and mine only. I don’t speak for my husband, and I don’t speak for all women my age or in the same situation as me. It’s simply a topic that I feel very strongly about and feel that there are people in the world who might benefit from hearing how crappy it can be to be on the receiving end of one of these conversations.
I’m 28, about to turn 29. I’m recently married, a business owner (along with my husband) and financially stable. We have been together for over seven years. And I can honestly say that I am quite on the verge of drop kicking the next person who asks when we’re having kids.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is a decision very personal to a couple. Bringing a human being into this world is a huge decision, not one to be taken lightly, and certainly not one to be dictated by social or generational norms.
Much like my mum, I wasn’t born with a strong maternal instinct. I don’t have a clue how to deal with kids and I don’t fawn over babies – they’re sticky. And yet my mum turned out to be pretty bloody good at it. So why as women are we expected to crave motherhood? And why when we don’t are we frowned upon?
Just to be clear – we want kids. Sort of. Maybe. We think... Nice and clear hey? We’ve always said we both want to be parents, but when it comes down to actually discussing when, all we can think about is the parts of the world we want to see, and our lazy Sundays spent together in a little bubble, and eight hour sleeps. We both always saw ourselves as parents, we’re just nowhere near ready to give up what we have right now. And that’s ok. Unfortunately this tends not to be enough of a reason for some, who go on to cite that we will never see everywhere we want to see in the world, and our Sundays will be the same just with a kid in the background. Well, I call bullshit. Everything will change and it’s short-sighted to think otherwise. Whether it changes for the better or for the worse remains to be seen and is individual to each family.
So now that I’ve justified where we’re at, (as though I have to), let’s talk about other people’s opinions. A very dear friend of mine and her partner of over 10 years decided a long time ago that they are quite happy not to jump on the procreation train. I applaud them. Not because I idolise the idea of living a life free from kids, but because they made a choice and have not allowed other’s opinions to sway them from what they decided was right for them. The sad thing is, this didn’t stop others from voicing their opinions on the decision. And though our situation is different, the same thing happens to us, and my guess is, most couples our age.
People! It’s time to stop! Stop telling others that they should have kids now. Stop telling them that their bloody ovaries are going to dry up soon. Stop telling them it’s the perfect timing for them right now. Stop telling others that they should do it young so they can live their lives later when the kids are grown up. Stop commenting on other people’s reproductive systems and thinking it’s ok to make yourself a part of their discussion on parenthood.
Each person’s journey to parenthood (or not) is their own. Theirs and theirs alone.
Now with all my ranting you may now be somewhat confused as to what is an appropriate way to chat about procreation. Well, fear not. I’ve compiled this trusty list that you can check every time you might be about to overstep the mark…
Don’t – Ask ‘When are you having kids?’
Do – Ask ‘Do you want kids?’
Don’t – comment on the state of someone’s ovaries.
Do – comment on Donald Trump’s hair.
Don’t – Assume that a couple need to hear your opinion in order to form their own.
Do – Assume that the sun will rise in the east and set in the west.
Don’t – Decide that the way you did it is the right way, and the only right way.
Do – Decide to finally book that vacation you’ve been talking about for years.
Don’t – Assume a 28 year old married woman is pregnant every time she says ‘Great news!’
Do – Assume she has many other things going on in her life that are just as exciting.
Don’t – turn every conversation with a childless married couple into a debate on parenthood.
Do – Enjoy your time with them while they are free and childless!
Don’t – Take this article too seriously.
Do – Take it as a reminder to just think twice before questioning someone else’s life decisions in the whole ‘reproduction arena’.
This one was really personal guys so I hope you don’t mind me including it. I got to a point where I really felt it necessary to remind everyone that whatever their decision is, it’s the right one for them.
Much love guys,